Casey came home from work the other day and relayed the following story.  When Jake came in to work one day, he mentioned that his wife and her mother had been asking about me, and how I was doing.  Jake’s response: “I don’t know.”  They were baffled that Casey and Jake could spend all day at work together, and that Jake wouldn’t know how I was doing.

“Don’t you talk at work?!”

That reminded me of an amazing clip of Brian Regan and his commentary on the differences between men and women:

And ps…  We are going to see Brian Regan next week!  So excited!!!!

A few years ago, Casey’s younger brother Jake was trying to make his hair grow longer.  To do this, he decided to take prenatal vitamins, as it helps with hair growth.  When he went to Hawaii on his mission for two years, he apparently left them behind.  Then about a year ago, Casey was visiting his parent’s home, and he wasn’t feeling very well.  So his mom pulled out an old bottle of vitamins, and gave it to him.  He took them home, took a vitamin, and went to bed.  However, the vitamin bottle that his mom had given him was the bottle of PRENATAL vitamins!

The next morning, his roommate Kenneth got up, saw the bottle of prenatal vitamins sitting on the bathroom counter, and was very confused.   Appropriately, he left a note next to the bottle saying, “I’m concerned,” or something to that effect.  Once everything was explained, it then became a running joke in their apartment to say that Casey was going to crush up his prenatals and put it in his hair to make it grow faster.

A few months later Casey and I started dating.  I heard the whole story, thought it was funny and had a good laugh.  A few more months after that, Casey and I got married, and presents came pouring in!  It is amazing how kind and generous people are and how many amazing gifts we received.  One of the gifts that we received was from Kenneth and Austin, another of Casey’s old roommates.  When Kenneth handed us the present, he said that Casey had to be the one to open it.  Casey did, and what he had was a bottle of prenatal vitamins!!!  Everyone that was there laughed and laughed.  In the card, Kenneth had written something to the effect that the vitamins were for Casey, but he supposed that I could use them too.

So when we were putting things away, I think I’m the one that decided that the prenatal vitamins should go in the bathroom.  They were put on top of our little cabinet that rests on the floor, making them quite visible.  Every time I would use the bathroom, and my eye landed on the vitamins, I thought to myself that I should really put them away before someone came over and saw them, and start drawing erroneous conclusions.  But that was about as far as it got, because I never actually put them away.

And now, this past weekend, my prediction came true.  Impromptu party + people using our bathroom = the start of some juicy rumors.  Whether they noticed if the bottle was opened or not, I’ll probably never know.

During the course of the meal, my mother noticed that I had come down with one of the stuffiest noses she had ever seen.  This is significant as my mother is a nurse, and had probably seen her fair share of stuffy noses.  Both my parents were completely puzzled as they examined me and tried to figure out what was wrong.  I imagine them both scratching their heads, not sure what to do (not only is my mom a nurse, but my dad is an EMT as well).

In the mind of a two year old, I suppose that one facial orifice is as good as the next.  My parents finally looked up my nose, and saw bright green on one side and bright yellow on the other.  I had stuffed my vegetables up my nose!!!  And it wasn’t just one or two pieces of corn or peas.  My nostrils were packed full.

I would like to now pause in this narrative and give my two-year-old self an award.  How in the world was I able to stuff a meal’s worth of vegetables up my nose without either of my parents noticing?!  I can only conclude that I picked my nose a lot as a two year old and they must’ve just assumed that’s what I was doing.  However, I was quite a clever two-year-old and was actually thinking about food storage instead.

Once they realized that I had stuffed my meal up my nose rather than down my throat, they were a little perplexed about what to do.  As I am told, because I had packed the vegetables in there pretty well, they were not coming out easily.  Naturally, they couldn’t just leave the food in there either.  They considered taking me to the emergency room, but my dad thought it would be ridiculous to take his daughter to the ER for something that he could take care of himself.  Ever the mechanical engineer, he thought, “If I take her to the emergency room, what are they going to do?  They’ll use some sort of suction device to get the veggies out…”  So my dad decided he would do the same thing.

After considering the suction devices available to him, he decided on the vacuum (as he probably didn’t have anything else he could use anyway).  However, he didn’t want to just run the vacuum over my face, and hope that it would work.  Instead, he disassembled a mechanical pencil, and used the hollowed external part of the pencil.  He attached it to a funnel, and to the funnel he put the end of the vacuum.  Then he took the other end of the mechanical pencil, stuck it gently up my nose, and turned the vacuum on.  Voila!  No more stuffy nose!

A couple of weeks ago when I was sick, I wish I had remembered this technique since I could not breathe at all.  Perhaps it would’ve helped.

If I fall, will you pick me up?

While all of this fun-ness was happening, my awesome brother-in-law Dane made these two videos for us as a wedding present.  Pretty amazing, huh?  And that whole time, I just thought he was taking pictures.  Sneaky, sneaky, Dane.  Thanks, man.  

We had the reception the night before the actual wedding…

Friday, October 14, 2011

Saturday, October 15, 2011

As I consumed this bag of chocolate, I read each of the cutesy little sayings on every wrapper, and I thought to myself, “There’s some good stuff in here!” (in addition to the chocolate).  Although some of them most of them are pretty cheesy, like fortune cookie fortunes, they do provide some good food for thought.

However, as I read through the different sayings on each wrapper, I found that I didn’t completely agree with all of them.  And some of the sayings I found that I disagree with completely.  So, what did I decide to do about it?

Think to myself, “They’re just Dove wrappers; no one pays any attention to them anyways”?

Not really even pay attention to Dove wrappers in the first place, because who does that?

Throw the wrappers away and aspire to be a better writer than those people who work at Dove?

Nope.  I did none of these things.  Instead, I decided to collect them all and write about it (because really, as a writer, what else would I do?)  Of course, ones like the one pictured above, I completely agree with.  Of course we should keep the promises we make to ourselves.  If we didn’t, we’d be living a double life, incongruent with ourselves and our goals in life.  And I should probably state that the overwhelming majority of Dove wrapper sayings I completely agree with.  So, in the following, you will find my thoughts on one bag of Dove wrapper sayings, whether I agree, disagree, or just wanted to make witty comments about them.  

* Embrace change – it may be a blessing in disguise. * – As one lyricist wrote, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Even though I usually have a hard time with change, and don’t adjust as quickly as I could, most often it is a good and necessary change in my life.  

* Your smile lights up a room – let it shine! * – Good.  Now I know what to do next time the lights go out and I can’t find my flashlight.

* Chase your dreams. * – But you better run, they’re moving fast.

* Live your life with an attitude of gratitude. * – I second this motion.

* Be the silver lining in another’s cloud. * – …not the cloud in another’s silver lining.

* Love yourself.  Dare to dream.  Live on purpose! * – Couldn’t say it better myself.

* Sometimes “now” is the best time. * – Sometimes.  And sometimes later is the best time too.  And sometimes any time BUT “now” is the best time.  

* A bubble bath can matter more than a clean kitchen. * – A bubble bath always seems to matter more to me than a clean kitchen, which is probably why Casey ends up doing most of the dishes…

* Live authentically. * – If there’s anything that I want to do in life, this is it.

* Don’t take it personal. * – Unless, of course, it was meant to be taken personally.  Then you should take it personal.

* YOU are that superwoman.  So enjoy! * – What?!  What in the world does this even mean?!?  Enjoy what?

* Surround yourself with positive people. * – I second this motion too.  I’ve noticed that I become like those I am surrounded by.  So I try to surround myself with people that have qualities that I want. 

* “Thanks” and “love” are two words not used enough. * – Very true in today’s world.

* You do not have to clean like your mother. * – Thank goodness, otherwise nothing would ever be cleaned…

* Don’t covet; compliment and aspire. * – Oops. 

* End each day with a lovely thought. * – A lovely thought like thinking about eating another Dove chocolate?  Oh, alright.  If you insist.

* Be yourself.  You are wonderful just as you are. * – Unless of course, being yourself is being completely abrasive and mean towards others.  If that is the case, you should probably be someone else, and consider making some personal changes.  

* If you can’t be bothered don’t be. * – Just let it go man, let it go.

* Compromise is a sign of strength, not weakness. * – Absolutely.  Anybody can be stubborn.  Not everyone can compromise.

* Liberate yourself from your secrets. * – Maybe I agree, depending on what the writer was going for here.  If the writer means to have no secrets, and tell all to everyone, then I emphatically disagree.  It can be unhealthy to do so.  However, if the writer meant to give up the power that your secrets have over you, I wholeheartedly agree.  

*Attitude – pick a good one. * – True.  Do it!  

I am soooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!  I can’t wait!

How to Talk to Little Girls

By Lisa Bloom, author of “Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World”

I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”

But I didn’t. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What’s wrong with that? It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC news reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that fifteen to eighteen percent of girls under twelve now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America’s Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they’d rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That’s why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I’m nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

“I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”

Most kids do.

“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!”

“Wow, amazing!” I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

“What’s your favorite book?” I asked.

“I’ll go get it! Can I read it to you?”

Purplicious was Maya’s pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It’s surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I’m stubborn.

I told her that I’d just written a book, and that I hoped she’d write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we’d read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya’s perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she’s reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You’re just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

Here’s to changing the world, one little girl at a time.